It is often said that a great party centers around a gracious and organized host. However, when you are invited into someone’s home it is also important to be a gracious guest. Simple etiquette is an absolute must when attending a party. To behave otherwise is ungracious and rude. Unlike many people today, I went to a finishing school as a child. Ever heard of it? Well, it is a lot like refinement school. It polishes you and smoothes out the edges. It teaches you proper manners, etiquette, and how to be gracious. I still use many of the techniques today and I find that because they are so foreign to most people I stand out. To this day I still handwrite thank you cards. I write ten a day. I send gifts to people on special days and I send gifts when I am thinking of them. I help people when they are in need and I do everything I can to bring people together to build a sense of community. And dinner parties are an excellent way to bring people together and make life feel full!
In a world that has become incredibly selfish, rude, and disengaged, I think it’s time to bring etiquette and graciousness back. And no, I’m not trying to set women back fifty years. I’m trying to bring both men and women up to speed on how to treat each other. We are all going through something. Life is hard, so learn to take care of one another because kindness is the new rich.
Here are my top 13 guidelines on manners when attending an event or going to someone’s personal home:
- Chew with your mouth shut, and do not talk while chewing!
- Avoid slurping, smacking, snorting, blowing your nose, or other inappropriate noises. (If necessary, excuse yourself to take care of whatever it is you need to take care of.)
- Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or as if you’ve just stabbed the food you’re about to eat.
- Don’t pick your teeth at the table.
- Remember to use your napkin at all times.
- Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. (The exception is if you’re choking.)
- Cut only one piece of food at a time, and eat slowly.
- Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses.)
- Instead of reaching across the table for something, politely ask for it to be passed to you.
- Always say ‘excuse me’ whenever you leave the table.
- Never ever look at your phone while eating at the table, and be mindful about using it while guests are mingling – it appears unsocial and rude.
- Control your alcohol consumption. You are there to socially relax and mingle – not party like a sorority girl.
- Be tactful and polite when speaking to guests, and avoid hot topics like politics and religion unless that is what the party centers around.
These are not archaic, outdated ways to live. These are manners that remind us to be kind to one another and respect each other’s views. Everyone has a right to their own opinion and way of being, it’s through perspective and opening ourselves up that we give ourselves the ability to learn a new way. Have fun, learn about each other, and have an open curiosity about what makes individuals tick. This is what makes life fun!
Oh, how true, how true! And how many people do NOT follow these guidelines, whether as guest or host! Thank you, Amanda, we should pass this one around everywhere….It is truly amazing to see how so many people (no matter the age) don’t know very basic manners!!!
These are things that we were taught as children ( not kids } .They are called good maners.Thank you for reminding people.
Thank you so much for sharing. I thought at one time no one cared anymore about this and it is highly important. I have an Event Center where I teach Little Girls Etiquette and then a Tea Party. This is so needed.
I LOVE that!! It is so important!
Is it good manners to accompany one’s guests to their car.
Thank you
Ada
You certainly can but it is not necessary. Walking them to the door and saying thank you is considered good etiquette
thanks
A
Love this list and agree with almost all of it but one. As my Dad said, “If no one ever discussed politics, nothing would ever change!” I looked it up in every etiquette book I could find (I collect them). NONE of them said that politics were off-limits as dinner table conversation. NONE!!
What they DID say was that when the conversation started to become heated, it was time to change the subject. I like that interpretation.
While it’s hard to keep the conversation calm in these troubled times, it’s more important than ever to share views. Not doing so has created more division than genial back and forth ever did. It’s how we began hating the view-holder rather than the view itself. Lack of understanding creates division.
Excellent way of putting it, Mary Helen!
xx
Amanda
Thank you, Amanda.
I might add that a skillful hostess knows when and how to turn the conversation. My personal favorite technique is to brightly say “Isn’t it nice we are having weather? Let’s talk about something else.” Works like a charm, every time.
I did not go to Finishing School, yet, I was taught these gracious manners by my parents. I still follow this code of conduct, to a degree, and you’re right, the majority of people find my habits bizarre or even worse, strange. I shall continue because I like good manners. I always wait until people have driven off in their cars or taxi before I close the door, that’s the one thing that drives me nuts, when I leave their house and they promptly close the door behind me. x
Kathryn,
Ah yes, another pet peeve of mine as well. With the lack of manners these days I think what’s worse is that most people don’t even have the awareness they are being rude. It’s not even on their radar. Probably because they are so self-absorbed in themselves! We shall make it a mission to continue to be strange and maybe rub off on some of these folks and convert them!
Amanda