MEEEE of course! These days I like to fly my DESIGNER flag high. (Don’t be mistaken, Im just HIGH on life! No need to know how I achieved this magical predicament of circumstances ) For 11 years I have stayed content and complacent with living under a rock. My head in the sand. What can I say, a lot of really good things happen there. To include, but not limited to reasonable, and rational thinking. Thinking,…… thinking…. and well, more thinking. You’d be amazed at all the great things you can conjure up with SO MUCH thinking; (unequivocal dumbfounded stupidity). All the while staying low key, quiet and satisfied. Too busy getting sand out of crevices, of which the particulars of such intelligence won’t enlighten any of us. BUT the tranquility of my dumbness is soon to be over turned by the Queen herself. My fortress will no longer be hushed by silence.
So why the sudden change in egotistic, self centered, boastful behavior? Call it modest pride, but more than likely it’s my participation in what I like to call old age, a-hem, I mean experience. Ok, so Im gloating. But I cannot feel but a little proud and glorious ( why won’t this damn flag go any higher!!) with my new found perspective/enlightenment/shear stupidity.
I made the mistake of watching HGTV last night. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is a fundamental and impressive network with BIG important people; especially if you need to learn mad skills like Mcgiver. Like an Engineering mastermind, I have learned how to properly use fishing line, wire and a pair of pliers like nobody’s business! Very important in these FRUGAL times. But you would be mistaken to think that the context of such a show is actually real. Disregard the blatant fact that the budgets never include all the labor but manipulate you into thinking that you can tear down, rebuild, reupholster, renovate, restore, reassemble, glue, screw and undo, all for $1000. The amplified puppet master, I mean host, with an accentuated smile, and embellished hand gestures over gliding the lily pond ten fold, you can HAVE ALL THIS and more!!!!!!! (clapping, music, and Bob Barkers beauties filled with JOY and EXCITEMENT!!! YAY!!!)
Ok so I understand that these ground breaking, pivotal shows are addictive. They throw stars in your eyes telling you that you too can achieve undeniable, alluring, spell binding elegance and beauty, all with a pair of pliers, fishing line, and wire. Don’t get me wrong, you can, as long as you have the village people (jingle~young man are you listening to me, No man does it all by himself, it’s fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A~jingle) I mean a village to help put it all together for FREE. But who cares. The charisma of the puppet master slams you with mystique, thrill, a little glitter, and with a monumental SHAZAAM, the fairy godmother waves her wand and you have your self a beautiful room!
So why all the hatred? Never mind the fact that I have been trying to get my ground-breaking, pivotal, unprecedented and innovative show since 2006. That’s irrelevant when Im trying to make my very pertinent and valuable point. Besides, I’ve moved on, I have TARGET now. ( I HEART TARGET!) No hatred. I’ve got nothing but love for HGTV. Really I do. I think they have some well celebrated and noteworthy shows. With about 80% garbage sprinkled in, but the other 20% is good enough material to carry the show, and make me tune in.
I have stupidly succumbed to the idea that each show was respectfully infected with high quality, superior design. These designers being the chosen ones. A blueprint of exceptional and accomplished design. Like a drooling servant I would gaze at the TV safeguarding my new found knowledge of calculated insight, waiting until I too could be an exceptional accomplished designer; a chosen one. Well no more. I have removed my head from the sand (still shaking my pant legs out; how on God’s green earth did sand get in there….) I reject and object my thoughts of being an incompetent, substandard designer. The 80% garbage they call a show is nothing more than a vehicle for filler. (of which I will gladly help you bring that down to 75% with my ground breaking, pivotal, unprecedented show; F-O-C-U-S AMANDA!!)
I am good at what I do. It has taken me a LONG time to get to this level of confidence (old age and shear stupidity) But after seeing this show, no need for particulars, I realized that I can do better; all without hesitation or reluctance, I can confidently say this out loud. I am no longer indecisive. Never did I think I would exercise the thought of burdening myself with the responsibility of TRUSTING and INVESTING in self-confidence. After all a women finds self assurance through her husband right? HAHAHAHA! (No thanks I will do it on my own!!) But my husband is my biggest most discerning fan. However, I have decided that I AM the fairest of them all. I have to be. Why else would TARGET choose me? I refuse to stay quiet, but rather candid about how I see it. My flag will continue to fly high ( if I could just figure out how to get this damn contraption to work; where are my pliers?!!) I am shrewd, clever and wickedly talented…..(deep breaths, in out, in out; Holy shit! For the love of GOD, Good GOD did I just say that out loud??!!) But I can’t help but feel a little proud and glorious for my new found perspective/enlightenment/shear stupidity. After all I am a DESIGNER, a mystical, creative, creature; the thing legends are made of ….or at least that is what I will tell myself until I pass out from hyperventilation or get stabbed by a pair of pliers trying to get my flag to fly, all because I am in a halfwitted self absorbed state of obtuse ignorance.(Designer is DOWN! I repeat Designer is DOWN)